Style

Ambushed

Amy Winehouse
Amy Winehouse
Amy Jade Winehouse (14 September 1983 – 23 July 2011) was an English singer and songwriter known for her powerful deep contralto vocals and her eclectic mix of musical genres including R&B, soul and jazz. Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning on 23 July 2011. Her album Back to Black subsequently became the UK's best selling album of the 21st century. | Photo: | Amy Winehouse, Singer, Alcoholic, Drugs, Style,

South Korea has banned the mini skirt, and...

It might have started with Amy Winehouse. As her coif grew bigger her skirts grew shorter. Flash on her I Don't Want to Go To Rehab video'Amy wears a kimono that ends where her vagina begins and sitting on her bed, she allows her knees to part and we are Back to Black. In her concert videos, her painfully thin legs gyrate beneath skirts that almost, but don't quite reveal the impossible. It's highly unlikely that Amy, in spite of her hairy semitic genes, bothered to Brazil her pubes. Was she wearing panties? Sadly, we'll never know. Her legacy has left us with much food for fashion contemplation and an endless line of followers: Stacy Keibler( Cloony's girl'it figures), Kate Beckinsale, AnnaLynne McCord, Jersey Shore's Deena Crotese, Blake Lively, Rihanna, Eva Langoria, Cameron Diaz, Christiana Agullera, Heather Graham, Heidi Klum, Sarah Jessica Parker and hundreds more major and minor celebs all wearing skirts that end just long of Everywoman's love bucket. Along with the shortening of the skirt, appropriate only for toned twenty somethings and a few lucky non-cellulite thirty pluses, comes the hairless vagina.

Like the chicken and the egg, it's hard to say which came first, but my theory is that it was the Baby Twat'the bush that is no longer a bush, but rather a pre-pubescent offering that promises peachy, submissive sex and nothing stinky. It hides well under a string bikini, or when seated late night with Jay or Jimmy and, God forbid, you forget to cross your legs. Wearing underpants lessens the visibility, but without the Brazi, anything goes and probably will. Men are not threatened by the Baby Twat. It will never have teeth and can smell like a spring lilac or bubble gum. During sex that sweet puff of baby flesh will never cause a nasty rub rash on manly thighs or lips.

It is also interesting to note that the hellish spate of recent kidnappings and rapes has been perpetrated on girls ages 12 and under who legitimately wear schoolgirl skirts and have yet to grow pubes.

The hairless underarm was rebelled against like everything else, in the revolutionary Sixties. However, hair under the arms can cause unwanted odor and combined with sweat ruin an expensive silk blouse. But the hairless vagina offers little and gives a woman nothing but damaged hair follicles, nasty red pumps and the horrid OUTER VAGINAL ITCH.

Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian

Kimberly Noel "Kim" Kardashian (born October 21, 1980) is an American socialite, celebutante, television personality, model, actress and businesswoman. She is known for starring in Keeping Up with the Kardashians, the E! reality series that she shares with her family. | Photo: Complex.com |
See Kim Kardashian, in her Chloe Moretz, Antonio Berardi, Ashley Tisdale, Chloe Moretz or Clemence Posey, try to stop herself from reaching under that tiny layer of designer material and scratching like a orangutan. (Forever 21 and Target offers them to the rest of us)

Globally, the big news is that South Korea has banned the mini skirt. Its newly elected President, Park Geun-hye, as part of the Overexposed Law, has declared them publically indecent and wearing them incurs a forty-five dollar fine. As yet, no such fines have been imposed on the shaved vagina.

North Korea has yet to chime in on either issue and is not likely do so in the near future.

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Updated Aug 12, 2017 1:49 PM EDT | More details

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